Today's post has been inspired by the young, the old, the fat, theskinny, the meat heads, the models, the frat daddies, the anos, and the athletes who make my work out experience so unique. Why is my athletic training affected by such peculiar social groups you might ask? Because I like to visit the wonderful compounds of 24 hour fitness.
Let's be honest, my gym routine has been all over the map-- whether these visits be two-a-day workouts to nearly nonexistent.
They have however been a part of my life for over 10 years. Seems like only yesterday I was gifted the luxury item of a brand new sparkling 24 hour fitness ID card to hit up Laguna Hills' finest hot spot. Growing up in Orange County the place is almost a social mecca. Here you can let your wandering eye catch glimpses of the hottest football players to the tannest and skinniest of girls. When I first hit this athletic arena I had nothing but a mere mp3 player with popular 90s tunes-
my most played hit being Twista's Overnight Celebrity. (Coincidence? I think not.) Seems so cray but at the same time makes me feel OLD. It is here I have come with my pals, my yolked love interests, or by my lonesome, to sweat it out and get that rush of endorphines. Luhhhhh dat.Which brings me to my point-- why is it that no one seems to have any gym etiquette? Tell me something people....is it so hard to respect your fellow gym patrons? We all pay the same $25 bucks a month to hit this shit hole. Let's show some common decency to each other and follow some important societal rules every gym member should obey.
1. TIME LIMITS
Pardon me anorexic girl reading the Bon Appetit (you're fooling no one), do NOT try to cover up your EXCEEDED time on the treadmill when you see me approaching. If it is 6pm rush hour and the gym is packed do not think you are inclined to 15 minutes more than your fair share. This line for a treadmill is no joke. The 30 minute time limit is set up so we can all get a chance. Get off the damn machine and into the kitchen. Some of us actually have some running to do.
Big hairy fat man with the sweaty pits who of course has parked his butt next to me on the tread- ever heard of personal hygiene? Deodorant, deodorant, DEODORANT! I'm sorry but is it really so hard to spray a little axe on your bod before coming into this establishment? You know you are going to sweat up a storm, so why not do everyone a favor and spray a little mist.
Also, this goes along with dudes who fart. It's obviously you-- thank you for blinding me with your rank stench. This is a public place, can you not? News flash: a good scent can go a long way. I know you're in the gym trying to get laid- first step, hide your musk. No lady wants to smell what lurks beneath those two cheeks. A little deodorant and self control can go a long way- your body, my nose, and potential female prospects will thank you.
3. STOP AND CHATS I am a very social person. Don't get me wrong, I talk all day, every day. However, the gym is just not a place to converse. I don't come here to make new friends or build lasting relationships. I come here to WORK OUT. This specific example goes a long way with visiting my hometown 24 hour fitness- old acquaintances, do not approach me and attempt to catch up about the past 5 years that we have spent apart. We have not seen each other for a reason. A quick wave will suffice.
This goes for flirting as well. Men who try to pick up girls at the gym- DO NOT. If we are actually working out hard we are red, sweaty, and defeated. The last thing we need is an attractive muscular male trying to pick our brains and "get to know us". And to the numerous geriatric grandpas who have lectured me about saving myself for marriage, valiant efforts! That ship has sailed- now get out of my face.
4. DISRESPECTFUL OUTSIDE PASSERBYERSTrue story-- last week I was on the treadmill with a big window facing onto the street. A pedestrian casually strolls by gripping his Haagen Dazs, locks eye contact, and moves his cone towards me with a devilish grin. Dude, I see your damn ice cream you fool, GREAT. Do not show me tantalizing treats while I am working my buns off. It is hard enough to not eat dessert at home-the last thing I need is to see that heavenly goodness in the middle of a hard workout. RUDE. This goes for other pedestrians on the street as well- stop staring at me and carry onwards. This isn't a free show. Thanks again.
5. PROPER APPARELWeird old guy in the jeans- this is the gym!! Are you seriously wearing denim to work out? How can you even be mobile in those things? Last time I checked denim is not a breathable fabric. If you can pay the membership fee you can also afford a cheap pair of faux adidas pants or some tapered hanes sweats. And to the girl wearing practically nothing- so glad I can see your lady parts. You really have left nothing to the imagination. That is just sick and I am trying to exercise in peace. Take that outfit to the strip clubs because that is honestly where you belong.
6. UNWANTED NUDITY
Why is it that the grossest people feel the need to strip down in the Locker Room? If you ever want to feel the best you can about your body- then go ahead and venture into a 24 hour fitness bathroom. The droopiest of boobs, hairiest of bushes, and cellulitiest of asses are exposed for your eyes to see. Someone please teach these people the value of quickly changing or better yet a good TOWEL CHANGE. I mean, glad you are the gym, but come on, cover up. Or better yet, save your strip tease for home.
Killing yourself at the gym may not be your fancy. You feel vulnerable sweating it out amongst a bunch of strangers staring at your jiggly butt in your Champion yoga pants. But this is actually an overlooked benefit of 24. Yes, peeps of 24 hour Fitness Santa Monica, I do see some of you more
often then some of my closest friends- it also does not imply I need to get to know you, or want to get to know you. It also doesn't mean I need to smell you, see your exposed private parts, or yell at you to get off my machine. Let us all respect each other and work out our bods together, but in peace!
Yay for endorphins, weight control, better health, sex and sleep. However please respect these simple requests and we can all work out happy!
